First thought, Second Thought, and First Action
Hi, I'm Liz Moser, a Mayo Clinic and National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach.
Last week was challenging for me. A problematic situation ensued, or you could say I had an event occurred that triggered me.
Have you heard the phrase:
You aren’t responsible for your first feeling or thought. However, you are responsible for your second thought and first action.
For instance, using my situation as an example, you have a conversation with a friend that triggers uncomfortable feelings and thoughts. The choice arises to reach out for support and or employ my coaching tools or choose less supportive actions. Right, I couldn’t control my friend and my first thought, but I was in control of my ensuing thoughts and actions.
Last week, I let the first thought spiral into full-on rumination, and I was in a slump, just off my game all week.
Finally, last Sunday morning, I laced up my sneakers for a morning walk determined to get past my funk, and I searched Amazon for a suitable audible book.
Granted, I have multiple books in my Audible Library I could have re-listened to, to lift my mood, such as the book I referenced in my blog and video My Happiness Hack; however, I was in the mood for something new. Also, I’m a lifelong learner and a coach, and I’m continuously looking for new tips and tools fthat will help my clients and myself.
What I purchased was Martin Seligman’s Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life
Commonly known as the founder of Positive Psychology, Martin Seligman, is a leading authority in the fields of Positive Psychology, resilience, learned helplessness, depression, optimism, and pessimism. He is also a recognized authority on interventions that prevent depression and build strengths and well-being, and he is an acclaimed author. Three of his most popular books are:
Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being
The Hope Circuit: A Psychologist's Journey from Helplessness to Optimism
OK, so back to last Sunday, given the mood I was in I bought this book, listened to it, it’s only 1 ½ hour long so it’s super short and sweet and I now want to share with you some tools I picked up from the book that helped me and I believe will also be helpful to you and my clients.
First of all, It’s a given that life is going to keep throwing stumbling blocks in our path, and the more skills we acquire to deal with them, the likelier it is we'll remember at least one of them when its crunch time.
I learned two sets of tools: first set, I call delaying or distracting, and the second set I call processing or journaling.
So, distraction tools. How can you stop thinking about a negative or pessimistic thought in the moment?
Seligman proposes, Redeploying your focus with a physical switch, like a sudden, big clap or yell. Jump up, slam your hand against the wall and shout, “Stop!” Or have flashcards with the word STOP or that old trusty rubber band on the wrist technique you snap to divert your thoughts. Interesting right? You’re employing your sense of hearing and touch to distract you from your current negative or pessimistic thoughts. Simple and effective!
Sometimes a situation is more complex and calls for processing. For more convoluted issues that you’re ruminating on, such as where I was last week, Seligman suggests employing the "ABCDE" method.
That's an acronym that stands for adversity, belief, consequence, disputation, and energy.
“ABCDE” is a journaling process or prompt where you work through the list for a triggering situation and record your answer for each of the letters:
A-stands for Adversity – Write down what happened during your negative experience. Don’t evaluate or infer. Just record what happened. Don’t write down your opinions of the actions or guesses at what others were thinking. Just the facts!
B- is for Beliefs – What are your beliefs that made you feel bad? What’s the story you’re telling yourself? What are the direct causes of how you felt? Add evaluations. Sometimes, your beliefs will be accurate. If so, concentrate on how you can alter the situation to prevent your circumstances from becoming a more significant issue. Usually, though, your negative beliefs are distortions. Let me reiterate that: usually, your negative beliefs are distortions.
C-stands for Consequences – What are the results of these beliefs? This is where you list your emotions and feelings.
D- is for Dispute – Attack your beliefs. Dispute your automatic pessimistic reactions and negative thoughts. Or, what would your best friend or partner say to you in this situation? Things to keep in mind while you are disputing are the…
-Evidence – pessimism or negative thoughts are usually an over-reaction, so the evidence is generally on your side when you check the data. (for instance, how important is one more substantial meal in the context of your larger nutritional goals?)
-Alternative explanations for your actions – most events have more than one cause. Don't just latch onto the most everlasting, negative reason (for instance, skipped workout was probably due to a long day at work instead of a character flaw)
-Examine the Implications of your beliefs
-Examine the Usefulness of these beliefs – In some moments, it's better to question whether it's useful to dwell on a belief right now rather than whether it's true. In cases like this, it’s better to use distraction tactics and complete this lengthier journaling process later.
And lastly,
E – is for feel the energy changes from the disputation. In general, you’ll notice pessimistic explanations set off passivity, while optimistic interpretations set off activity. I want to reiterate that pessimism and negative thoughts lead to inactivity while optimistic, positive thoughts set off activity.
OK, so, there you go. The next time you have a negative or pessimistic thought, try an auditory distraction like saying “stop” out loud or a physical and auditory distraction like clapping your hands. And the next time you are spiraling into negative thoughts, use the ABCDE journal prompt and record your adversity, belief, consequences, dispute, and subsequent energy level. For bonus points, discuss what you discovered during your writing exercise with a friend or your wellness coach.
I’m Liz Moser, a Mayo Clinic and National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, and thank you for watching this video. If you have any questions about this video about health and wellness or wellness coaching with me, please reach out via my website at lizmosercoaching.com.
Bye for now and be well! Liz
