Climb Out of Your Box!

Hi, I’m Liz Moser, a Mayo Clinic and National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, and today I'm wondering where in your life you are stuck on wanting something a certain way or needing to find the correct way to accomplish your goal?  Or, in what area of your life are you fixated on “when it looks like this, then things will be perfect?”

Maybe you are making yourself crazy because your best friend eats Whole 30, your trainer espouses a keto regime, and you watch my videos and know I’m a vegan.  What should you do? What’s right for you?

Perhaps you believe your exercise routine must last at least an hour even though you only have time for a shorter walk?

Maybe you believe your meditation should occur at dawn on your mat with the same incense your guru uses even though you find peace with 5 minutes of focused breathing.   

So, you have generated these goals based on specific thoughts and beliefs that are so complicated or rigid; you rarely meet your expectations. 

Meanwhile, your self-care attempts, which are what these goals are, backfire, and your self-doubt grows while your self-esteem plummets because it just does not feel good to fall short of our expectations.

This happened to a client of mine.  She hired me to help her sort out her nutritional goals, and when we accomplished that, she wanted to focus on her morning meditation practice.  She was stuck on a particular sadhana ritual. 

A sadhana is a spiritual practice combining yoga, chanting, breathwork, and meditation.  Her perfect routine takes about 40 minutes, and due to its physical nature, it had to occur first thing in her morning.  Right after she woke up.

Several months ago, she accomplished her sadhana goal for two months straight without skipping a day.  My client considered that the pinnacle of morning routines, and she wanted to recreate that.  However, it happened rarely.

In theory,  my client’s vision of a morning sadhana practice is a nurturing soul-satisfying activity: however, in reality her routine of setting the goal to do her practice and then not completing it, thereby letting yourself down, is the opposite of nurturing. 

Just like working a knot out of a tangled necklace, my client and I unraveled her daily sadhana practice goal.

First step: What did she want to accomplish?  How did she want to feel after her practice?  What was her bottom-line goal? 

After several weeks, many conversations, and much thought on her part, she realized she was looking at her morning sadhana routine (remember it is a combo of prayer, chanting, breathwork, meditation, and yoga) as not only a spiritual practice but also as a physical workout. 

Yet connecting with her higher power was and is the most important aspect for her, with the physical piece being secondary.  When she made that distinction, she realized that 10 to 20 minutes for prayer and meditation is all she needs and the perfect time for that is right before she leaves for work.  The house is empty, and she has accomplished all her to-dos. Then she sits, centers, focusses and plugs into her higher power. 

Bingo!  She figured out what works for her and her unique life and lifestyle. 

See, this is not what her coach’s meditation practice looks like (that is me!;)) nor what her yoga guru espouses.  But this works for her. 

I get how challenging it is to sift through competing thoughts and beliefs, ultimately arrive at your truth.  And, actually, it is still difficult for my client to let go of her old expectations.

So much so that a few days ago towards the end of our call, she said to me:

“Oh my gosh, I almost forgot.  The coolest, funniest thing happened.  This morning I woke up all bummed out because I thought I had to get up, lock myself in my room, and do my sadhana routine. But then I remembered the new plan we created where I sit for 15 minutes after everyone is out of the house, right before I leave for work.  When I remembered that, I was so relieved, and I jumped out of bed, all excited!”

We laughed so hard!  That’s pretty funny, right? But also poignant because it's so human and relatable.

How often have we beaten our heads against the wall trying to make our lives look a certain way?  Not the most joyful or the most efficient way, not even the "something is better than nothing" way. No. That specific way.

So, let me ask you:

What is that thing that keeps needling you?  Do you think you should go vegan, but you crave cheese or steak?  Well, maybe you should have some dairy or meat now and then.

Do you want to add exercise or meditation, but you can’t quite get it going?  And you don’t see the point in letting it be fun (dancing to a favorite song) or easy (a five-minute guided meditation.)

Any chance you are stuck like my client was in your particular rigid thinking that it has to look a certain way?   

If so, what’s outside the box thinking for you?  What would feel easy, fun, joyful, or nurturing?  What would allow you to jump out of bed like my client does excited to start her day after remembering her newly created meditation practice? 

Yep, what would that look like if your self-care goals were fun, joyful, and nurturing?  As opposed to a bunch of to-dos on a drudgery list. Yes, indeed!  Imagine that!

I’m Liz Moser, a Mayo Clinic and National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, and I hope you have a week where you allow yourself to climb out of your metaphorical box by looking at your life goals with a new perspective of self-care and self-compassion.

Bye for now and be well!  Liz