Finding The Grey in A Black and White
Hello beautiful wellness seekers, I'm Liz Moser, and I'm a Mayo Clinic and National Board-Certified Health and Wellness Coach.
When life gets challenging, and my clients can't find the time for their committed actions, I council: that something is always better than nothing. The 10-minute workout is better than no workout; the 1 minute of deep breathing is better than no meditation. Don't give up completely. Show up and just do something.
I have to repeat this message almost like a mantra because many of us were indoctrinated with the opposite story: that old and damaging narrative that if you can’t perform a task correctly, don’t do it at all.
‘Do it right, or don't do it at all!’
No wonder, when the road of life has a few speed bumps and things don't go as planned, it's second nature for us to want to throw in the towel altogether.
I’ve been counseling my clients to keep going with whatever small action they can perform without ever really having to make those compromises myself. My time over the last four-plus years has more or less been my own to do with as I please…until this year.
Right before the new year, I started to take a more active role in a brick-and-mortar small business that I own. Covid numbers are ebbing in my state, and it was time to roll up my sleeves and get the business back on track. The reality of that intention meant that I have been at my shop early morning and then many days returning later in the afternoon pretty much every day since the new year.
I’ve been baking every morning (products I don’t eat by the way!). I’ve been retraining existing employees, firing, hiring, and more training. It’s been a 3-ring circus of early mornings, stress, fatigue, and illness (not Covid but the flu that lasted for weeks!)
Life threw some speed bumps in my way, and I had to respond. In the beginning, I just moved faster and faster. Taking less downtime, but that go, go, go was, I’m sure, pivotal in pushing me into the flu that I had.
I was exhausted and sick, and I realized I had to pivot and rethink my wellness commitments.
One small thing I let go of was, that even though I was still on Duolingo every day practicing French, it wasn't for an hour during lunch; it maybe was 5 or 10 minutes because I chose to work through lunch. Subsequently, I dropped back a level in Duolingo. Oh no! I get it, not a huge problem. However, at the time, it felt like a big deal! Why? Because if I couldn't do it ‘right’ as defined by me, why do it at all?
A more significant thing I let go of was shooting my videos. The week I didn't have the time or energy to film my video was tough on me. Then the next two weeks I was coughing so much I couldn’t make it through a recording. So now I have a gap of 4 weeks in my video shoots, even though I committed to a video per week when I made my health and wellness predictions for 2022.
Down a level in French and no videos for 4 weeks. In the grand scheme of my life, probably not the biggest problem although, I like to do what I say I’m going to do. Not only because I want to be a person of my word but also because sometimes compromising here can spread to compromising there. Compromising can be a slippery slope.
Another thing to note was how resistant I was to any deviation from my committed actions despite what I’ve counseled my clients.
When I couldn’t make that video shooting schedule due to fatigue and illness, I noticed that instead of simply saying, "Well, this is my honest best for this week, and hey, I’ll see how I feel next week.” I started to get negative about my videos in general. The message if you can't do it right, don't do it at all was written all over my negative thoughts.
Some quite blatantly:
Such as, ‘If I can’t shoot a video (because I’m coughing so much) why even write my next blog?’ (Obvious, all or nothing thinking!)
Some thoughts hid ‘the if you can't do it right, don't do it at all messages.’ And those were:
‘What difference do my videos make? Why bother?’ (All or nothing thinking in disguise!)
And another:
‘I’m trying to keep my brick-and-mortar business afloat, and I'm worrying about French and a video shoot? Come on, that’s ridiculous!’ (More disguised all or nothing thinking)
Our health and wellness actions take time, there’s no getting around that! And sometimes life gets hectic, and free time constricts. When that happens, my message to you is to watch your all or nothing thinking. Sometimes it's obvious (what's the point of a 10-minute workout?), and sometimes it's more subtle (this working out thing is pointless; I'm never going to get stronger anyway! So why bother?) Rethink and pivot what doing something ‘right’ is. Trust me, showing up and doing anything, no matter how small or seemingly trivial, is the healthier choice in the long run than giving up completely.
I’m Liz Moser, a Mayo Clinic and National Board-Certified Health and Wellness Coach, and thank you for reading this blog about letting yourself embrace the grey in a black and white world. If you have any questions about this blog, health, wellness, or wellness coaching with me, please reach out via my website at lizmosercoaching.com.
