Dec 2

Dec 2 What Does Support Look Like?

Hi, I'm Liz Moser, and I’m a Mayo Clinic Certified Wellness Coach.

Today I want to talk about support. Specifically, a support success story, and the time commitment necessary that laid the groundwork.

My client Nancy (that's a pseudonym), hired me because she wants my support to create a lifestyle without sugar and flour in her diet. Just like me, she wants to abstain from flour, sugar, and processed foods.

As I do with all my clients, during our first call, we created her wellness vision, discussing what motivates her, what her strengths are, and precisely what she wants from wellness coaching. What are her goals? Then we jumped into our daily support calls, we also texted, and Marco Polo’d upon occasion.

Nancy was doing a fantastic job, and she had a few slip-ups. That happens. After every slip I reiterated,

“I’m your support, please reach out to me when you need me. I’m here for you!”

Her response was, similar to what I hear from many of my clients

"I just don't think about it at the moment."

Then a situation occurred; she was triggered, and yay! She finally reached out to me.

For the past 20 years, every time she got her car serviced, she would purchase a sugar and flour pastry from a bakery next to the dealership. So, there she was leaving the dealership, and she heard herself say, “Isn’t it too bad that I have to go to the bakery?”

Her second thought was,

“That’s crazy, what do I mean I have to go?!”

She then said to me,

"Really, I have to buy and eat that dessert despite hiring Liz and my desire to eliminate those foods from my diet! Really, I have to?!”

She was so overwhelmed that her habit was that entrenched, she had no clue. Her 20-year long trigger of getting her car repaired and her response to buying and eating a baked product was so strong. So entrenched.

Nancy didn’t pull in and purchase the habitual pastry. Instead, she drove for another 20 minutes crying, then pulled over and called me. Typically, I have scheduled calls with my clients, and I'm available via text or MP during the day; however, on this occasion, trust me, I was thrilled she called.

She told me the whole story and was floored by her sudden awareness of this 20-year-old habit and by how deep it went. It was like she woke up from a trance.

I congratulated Nancy on breaking this entrenched routine and the beginning of creating a new habit that represents the person she wants to be. She acted in a different way, which began the process of creating a new neural pathway.

We talked about how the next time she gets her car serviced, she can perhaps bookend her trip. Or text me before and after she goes to the dealership.

Ultimately her new awareness of this unconscious habit will allow her to plan and prepare before the next time she visits the dealership.

The process of creating healthier habits in a genuine sense can be likened to the process of learning NEW patterns of thinking and behavior for the thousands of old cues used to drive your old thinking and actions. The only way to do this is to be "triggered," and then do something different. Or experience something different. And That’s exactly what Nancy did.

My point of this support success story is that it takes time.

Support is hours logged with the phone to ear. Support takes a history with a person and repetition. I repeatedly told her to contact me when she was triggered, yet it made me repeating it multiple times before it sank in, and it took hours on the phone.

It’s SO HARD to call a person when you are triggered to do something other than your desired goal. Even if it’s your wellness coach you’ve spent hours with on the phone and who has told you repeatedly to reach out in an emergency. Over the weeks of coaching Nancy, I showed her empathy, compassion, and patience, and she said to me that it still took humility to call me.

She almost felt too embarrassed to call.

Nancy reiterated what I’ve heard other clients say; when you are successful in many areas of your life, it can be harder to ask for the support you need. Right, so many of us can relate to that.

In our society, we're taught that needing support equals weakness, or it's shameful.

Yet, as a client of mine, it's always the right thing to reach out to me. And to up your chance of reaching for your phone when you are in crisis, my clients call me Monday through Friday. In a sense, our daily calls are practice for when they are triggered, just like Nancy was.

Hey, it takes an average of 66 days to make a habit. How many calls does it take to be able to reach out for support in a crisis? How many times do you need to hear someone repeat that they will be there for you if you need them for you to take them up on it?

I think many of us can relate to Nancy's story, and the answer is we need to hear someone offer support multiple times, and we need to create a significant history with someone before us being able to reach out at the moment when we need it.

So, let me ask you:

How many supportive people do you have that you can reach out to? And how often do you call them?

And,

When was the last time you called when you were triggered or when you were in crisis? And how did it help?

Thanks for reading my post, I'm Liz Moser, and if you have any questions about this blog, about your health and wellness, or about wellness coaching, please email me at lizm@lizmosercoaching.com.

Thank you, and I hope you have a day filled with all the support you need.