Apr 28

Apr 28 How to Overcome Your Limiting Beliefs With 4 Questions

Hi, I'm Liz Moser, a Mayo Clinic and National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach.

My clients have two things in common: One, they want to make a specific lifestyle change, and two, they have challenges they don’t know how to overcome to get to where they want to go.

Their challenges primarily derive from a thought or a limiting belief.

Limiting beliefs are opinions or thoughts that one believes to be the absolute truth. They tend to negatively impact one's life by stopping one from moving forward and growing personally and professionally.

Some examples of my clients limiting beliefs are:
‘If I politely refuse any food, the hostess offers me. I will hurt her feelings.’
Or, ‘My friends will think I‘m weird if I eat differently than they do.’

My clients sometimes want to hear what’s worked for me; however, usually, they need the opportunity to figure things out for themselves by exploring their truth. When I facilitate the conversation where they discover their inner wisdom, that's coaching at its best.

One way I help my clients find their inner wisdom is by using Byron Katie's four questions, known simply as The Work. Byron Katie is the author of several books, including Loving What Is: The Four Questions That Can Change Your Life. As Katie says, ‘It's not the problem that causes our suffering; it's our thinking about the problem.’

Or, as Buddha said, ‘The root of suffering is attachment, ‘ referring not only to our attachment to material possessions but also our attachment to our thoughts and beliefs.

So, this week, one of my client's firmly held limiting beliefs came to the forefront. She has a strong belief that she can’t have fun in a social situation if she’s not drinking alcohol along with her friends, and yet her goal is to let go of sugar and alcohol. This was a perfect opportunity to use Byron Katie’s 4 questions!

I'm going to walk you through Katie's four questions, known simply as ‘The Work’, using my client’s limiting belief: ‘I can’t have fun with my friends if they are drinking alcohol and I’m not.’

When answering the questions, I ask my clients to close their eyes, be still, and witness what appears to them. And then I ask:

Question 1: Is it true? Using the example, ‘Is it true you can’t have fun with your friends if they are drinking alcohol and you’re not?’ If the answer is 'no,' then move to question 3. If they answer ‘yes,’ then proceed to question 2.

Question 2: Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Again, this is a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question.) Some possible answers are -
‘Yes, I know that’s true. That’s how I feel, darn it!’
Or, ‘No, of course, I've had fun at times while being one of the sober people at the party. Of course, I have.’

Question 3: How do you react, or what happens when you believe that thought? A possible answer could be -
‘I have fun in the moment, and then I’m disappointed the next day when I'm hungover and have gone against my long-term goal.’

Question 4: Who or what are you without the thought? An answer might be – ‘I’d be someone with more integrity and someone whose fun isn’t linked to any specific substance or situation. I’d be freer.’

Then finally, Turn the thought around. Possible opposites to - I can’t have fun with my friends if they are drinking alcohol and I’m not, might be:
‘I have just as much fun as they do when I’m not drinking, while they are.’
Or, ‘I actually have no fun at all when I drink with them.’

Contemplate how each turnaround is as true or truer in that situation. ‘Heck yes, I managed to have fun as a kid without alcohol. Why not now?’ And ‘What’s more fun than waking up clear-headed and reaching my long-term goals? That’s pretty fun!’

Recognizing and processing limiting beliefs is a fundamental part of coaching and an integral part of life if you value growing personally and professionally. One way to explore, reframe and ultimately transform your beliefs is by applying Byron Katies, four questions, and the turnaround. For more info, please check out her website at www.thework.com or read her book, Loving What Is: The Four Questions That Can Change Your Life.

I’m Liz Moser, a Mayo Clinic and National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, and thank you for reading this blog about how to overcome limiting beliefs using Byron Katies 4 questions. If you have any questions about this blog, about health and wellness, or wellness coaching with me, please reach out via my website at lizmosercoaching.com