Apr 21

Apr 21 How to Self-Validate: Taking Your Power Back

Hi, I'm Liz Moser, a Mayo Clinic and National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, and my clients seek coaching because they want to create healthier lifestyles.

They logically know that becoming healthier results from multiple actions such as improved nutritional choices, weight loss, and moving their bodies to gain muscle, improve flexibility, and cardiovascular health. Also, measuring gains in health requires an assortment of techniques, for instance, blood work, body fat vs. muscle composition, bone density, stress tests, and many others.

That said, many of my clients forget the complexity of health and get fixated solely on the scale number. So much so, when they step on the scale and see the number go down, it is a ‘good day,’ and when it goes up or stays the same for a while, it's a ‘bad day.’

Some of my clients take this ‘good’ or ‘bad’ label to a deeper level where scale movement becomes a yardstick for measuring how they are doing with their overall health goals and sadly even a gauge of their ‘goodness or badness’ as a person.

The scale becomes an external way to validate not only their global progress towards their goal but, on a deeper level, their intrinsic worth as a person.

When I start working with my clients and create their wellness visions, we focus on what's motivating and essential for them. Some of their answers are:

Being a kind, loving and thoughtful person.
Doing meaningful work.
Being true to themselves.
Making a difference in other peoples’ lives.
Being fit and healthy.
Staying positive.
Experiencing and learning new things, being a lifelong learner.
Being a good friend.
Being a healthy role model for their family.

They may seek me out to get healthier; however, my clients have many other motivators in their life, and usually, their inspiration for getting healthier is to create a different lifestyle. Such as, they want to be a fun grandparent or be physically up for any adventure with their partner.

Their driving force is never solely the number on the scale. It’s how they will interact with their loved ones when they are healthier that's the true inspiration.

The scale and the number become an external device for self-validation. This is not only unmotivating; it is also self-diminishing giving that much power to an inanimate object and it’s shortsighted because it’s only one metric of a person’s overall health.

When my clients get stuck in this cycle of weighing and disappointment, I suggest three things:

First, I ask them how they are already experiencing improvement in their goals? For instance, if they wanted to be a fit, fun grandparent, how are you already being and doing that?

Next, I ask them how they are feeling in general. Are their clothes fitting looser, do they have more energy, are they sleeping better, and is their mood more stable or improved? Usually, the answers are all yeses. This is an excellent way to remind them that good health is a bigger picture than the scale number.

And third, I urge them to not only step on the scale less often but also to create a mantra such as ‘I approve of myself unconditionally no matter what the scale says’ or ‘every day I’m getting closer to my goals.’

I shot a video on the science supporting positive affirmations. Please check that out but suffice it to say affirmations or mantras are scientifically proven to be effective. We can ultimately self-validate ourselves, taking our power back, through repeating our mantras daily. Preferably out loud and in front of a mirror. Be patient. Mantras and affirmations work.

The concept of ‘getting healthy' is a lot more than a number on a scale, and it looks different for each of my clients. During the coaching process, many of my clients fixate on the scale number. Their weight going up or down becomes not only a gauge of their progress but also an expression of their overall good or bad job and, sadly, even validation for themselves as a good or bad person.

I remind them that they’re striving to become healthier to show up differently in their lives, not only to be in a smaller-sized body, and there are many essential matrixes of health. Also, I remind them of their current progress. Lastly, I ask them to create a daily mantra they can recite to enhance self-validation. A personal mantra such as, ‘I approve of myself unconditionally’ takes your power back from an external source of validation.

Maybe it’s not the bathroom scale but ‘likes’ on social media or some other external source or person you rely on to ‘check-in on’ or ‘check-up on’ your worth or value. As children, we looked to adults to affirm us, and now as adults, many of us look to external indicators to tell us we are ‘good’ or doing a good job. We ultimately hold the power to self-validate, not inanimate objects, or other people.

I’m Liz Moser, a Mayo Clinic and National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, and thank you for reading this blog about how to validate ourselves. If you have any questions about this blog, about health and wellness, or wellness coaching with me, please reach out via my website at lizmosercoaching.com