Oh No! I’m A Lost Cause!
Hi, I’m Liz Moser, a Mayo Clinic and National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach.
Have you heard of the behavioral psychology concept called intermittent reinforcement? Well, usually, when I explain this to my clients, their initial reaction is, "Oh no! I’m a lost cause!" Ha! Of course, they’re not a lost cause, and I’ll get back to this later ;)
Intermittent reinforcement is when rules or rewards are handed out or enforced inconsistently and occasionally. This usually encourages another person to keep pushing until they get what they want from you. For instance, think about that annoying two-year-old at the store whining and begging their parent for a toy or a treat. That kid asks repeatedly because usually the initial four or five “no’s” eventually becomes a begrudging “yes.”
Intermittent reinforcement encourages that voice in your head to keep nagging you to stay up later, skip your workout, or eat junk food. Just this one time. Right? It’s just this one time, it won’t hurt!
Intermittent reinforcement affects the way we think about rewards. Think about slot machines. Slot machines are programmed to keep a small percentage of the money and pay out the rest in "random" winnings and jackpots. If the payout were predictable, for example, if the gambler entered one dollar and got back exactly 90 cents on every play, the odds would be the same, but the gambler would quickly get bored and annoyed. What keeps them feeding the machine is the frequent small payouts, the occasional medium-sized payouts, and the dream of the rare big payout.
Most people will feed small and medium-sized winnings straight back into the machine and keep playing until they get bored or go broke. That's how intermittent reinforcement works.
That part of you that wants you to stay up later, skip your workout or eat the junk food “knows” a thing or two about intermittent reinforcement. When your higher goal-oriented self says "no" to one more tv show, skipping a workout, or eating junk food, the part that wants to break your new habit will keep "asking" (nagging, cajoling, or begging!) until it is sure that "no" means "no."
That part of you that’s not entirely on board with your new lifestyle goals just needs a little training. Some firm parenting with healthy boundaries. Ha! So, I tell my clients that, before they hired a wellness coach, that part learned that sometimes "no" really meant "not yet" and that if it nagged enough, or negotiated enough (it’s just one, we’ll go tomorrow, blah, blah, blah), It will eventually get what it wants. Who can’t relate to that?
So, pretty much down the line, when I share the concept of intermittent reinforcement with my new clients, they can without a doubt relate, and they say something to the effect of,
“Sure! Yep, I get it! There is a spoiled two-year-old in me that keeps nagging, cajoling, and bargaining until it gets its way. Oh no, I’m a lost cause!”
I then reassure my clients that nope, they’re not a lost cause, forgive yourself for your past mistakes, and knowledge is power. Not to mention you just hired a wellness coach to support and hold you accountable. You're doing things differently now. And remember the antidote to intermittent reinforcement is consistency.
Consistency. Consistency. Consistency.
Therefore, just like you would lose interest and quit putting a dollar in the slot machine if every time you got back $.90. So, will your nagging, cajoling, and bargaining part of you give up if you consistently say "no."
Consistency requires you to detach your feelings from your intellect and make decisions that you will behave and respond in a certain way, even if it does not feel good right now. Consistency requires judgment and resolve to do what makes sense and will bring long-term joy rather than what will feels good in the moment.
Hold your boundaries and keep your promises to yourself even when it feels uncomfortable. That’s how you break the cycle of intermittent reinforcement.
My job as a wellness coach is to remind my clients repeatedly what their long-term goals are, and why they are so important to them. That they will only get there if they consistently, most likely daily, perform their newly chosen actions. Because, today's actions become tomorrow's habits, which in turn leads you to your future long-term lifestyle goals.
So no, you aren’t a lost cause you were simply intermittently reinforcing your bad habits and, in turn, creating a stronger nagging cajoling and bargaining part of you. Intermittent reinforcement increases cravings. Firmly, gently and consistently saying “no” extinguishes cravings and that annoying banter in our heads of “should I or shouldn’t I?”
Today is a new day. Now you know about intermittent reinforcement. Choose consistency!
I’m Liz Moser, a Mayo Clinic and National Board Certified health and wellness coach, and thank you for reading this blog about intermittent reinforcement. If you have any questions about this video or health and wellness or wellness coaching with me, please reach out via my website at lizmosercoaching.com
Bye for now and be well,
Liz
