The Change Triangle

Hi,  I'm Liz Moser, and I’m a Mayo Clinic Trained Wellness Coach.  Today I want to talk about a useful tool called The Change Triangle. 

I learned about The Change Triangle in the book called It’s Not Always Depression: Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to Your Authentic Self, written by Psychotherapist Hilary Jacobs Hendel.   

 Working the Change Triangle is the step-by-step process at the heart of Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP),  a therapeutic method that teaches patients to identify the defenses and inhibitory emotions (shame, anxiety, and guilt) that prevent them from being in touch with their core emotions (joy, anger, sadness, fear, and excitement).

In allowing ourselves to experience core emotions fully, we move toward an openhearted state where we are calm, curious, connected, compassionate, confident, courageous, and clear or your authentic Self.  

The Change Triangle is a map. A guide to carry you from a place of disconnection back to your true Self. It's a step-by-step process for simply feeling better. It works by getting you reacquainted with core emotions like joy, anger, sadness, fear, and excitement

What are core emotions? They are mainly physical sensations that we come to recognize and name as a particular emotion. Core emotions inform us about our environment. Am I safe or in danger? What do I need/want and don't want? Am I sad? Am I hurt? What brings me pleasure? What disgusts me? What excites me?  Core emotions are a physical sensations created to give us information about our internal and external environment.

Core emotions are hard-wired in the middle part of our brains, meaning they are NOT subject to conscious control.

Triggered by the environment, each core emotion is pre-wired to set off a host of physiological reactions that prime us for an action that is meant to be adaptive, like running from danger.

Core emotions are brilliant: if we don't block them, their innate programming tells us vital information to help us thrive. 

The seven core emotions of AEDP are: sadness, fear, anger, joy, excitement, sexual excitement, and disgust. 

What are inhibitory emotions?
The inhibitory emotions, shame, anxiety, and guilt, block core emotions.Inhibitory emotions arise:
1) when our core emotions conflict with what pleases others whom we need like parents, peers, and partners
2) when core emotions become too intense, and our brain wants to shut them down to protect us from the emotional overwhelm.

What are the defenses? Defenses are anything we do to avoid feeling core or inhibitory emotions.
Depression, remember the name of this book, is a defense because, in that state, we are out of touch with our core emotions.  There is an infinite number of defenses, but some of the other common ones in our culture are:
over-eating, under-eating, addiction, too much "screen time," working too much, joking, sarcasm,  criticizing, spacing out, procrastination, preoccupation, negative thinking, misguided aggression, over-exercising, cutting, sex, obsession,  etc.  

OK, so now we have an explanation of Inhibitory emotions, core emotions, and defenses.

So, here's how the change triangle works:

 When an event or situation causes you to distress or to be off-balance in other words when you are triggered, your first step is:
1) Determine where you are on The Change Triangle: defense, inhibitory, or core emotion?
2) Determine where you want to go...clockwise around The Change Triangle through core emotions, which inherently provide guidance to peace, perspective, or solution.

The Change Triangle is a place to turn to in that immediate moment when something in your environment, or something within you, or someone causes you to experience emotional struggle ie, when you are triggered.

As soon as I figure out "where I am on The Triangle," I feel better for two reasons:
1) just from gaining some distance and perspective from my immediate feeling; and
2) from having some direction of what to do to help myself feel better. 

Here are the basic steps:

• Identify which corner you most closely find yourself.

• Pause, breathe and calm yourself for a few seconds, at least.

• Try to name all the underlying core emotions coming up in the moment. There may be more than one. Name each one you can.

• Listen without judging to what the emotion is telling you. Be curious!

• Think through the best way to proceed at the moment.

With a little practice, when you ask, "Where am I on The Change Triangle right now?" you will realize that your emotional state is found at one of three corners of the Triangle:

1) Top left corner - Defense

2) Top right corner - Anxiety, Shame or Guilt

3) Bottom corner - Core Emotion

 Or,  below The Triangle, in a calm state of peace and openheartedness - where we all hope to spend much more time. The state below The Triangle is accessed by "listening" to what the core emotion of the moment is telling us, by honoring what it says and by letting the associated body sensations move through freely until they naturally subside. Core emotions are wavelike: rising then ebbing.

Sometimes the core emotion I'm experiencing is obvious. Other times, it's hard to figure out. In the challenging moments, I literally "try on" each core emotion, one by one. Here's how:

My attention is still in my body - below my neck. I ask myself, "Is there sadness there? Is there anger? Excitement? Joy? Is there fear? Or disgust?" There is usually a sense of recognition when I find the right core emotion - and there may be more than one! I find and name them all. Then I tend to each emotion, one by one. 

Remember, core emotions are primarily physical sensations that we come to recognize and name as a particular emotion. Core emotions are hard-wired in the middle part of our brains, meaning they are NOT subject to conscious control.  Core emotions are brilliant: if we don't block them, their innate programming tells us important information to help us thrive. 

Are you ready to listen to what your body is telling you via your core emotions instead of distracting with unhealthy defenses, such as over-eating and blocking with inhibitory emotions like anxiety, shame, or guilt?

Have I convinced you that  The Change Triangle would be a useful tool?  I hope so!

I’m Liz Moser, a Mayo Clinic Certified Wellness Coach. If you have any questions about The Change Triangle or any questions about health or wellness or wellness coaching, please email me at lizm@lizmosercoaching.com. 

I hope you have a healthful day where you listen to your body, discover your core emotions and connect with your authentic Self.

Bye for now! Liz