No One Dislikes Themself into Changing
Hi, I'm Liz Moser, and I'm a Mayo Clinic and National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach.
Since I recorded my Self-Growth vs. Self-Improvement video, I have been focused more so than ever on supporting my clients to love and accept themselves in the present moment. Yes, even in the coaching moment where we are exploring ways to make the lifestyle changes they desire because no one dislikes themself into change.
Let me repeat that if you seek to make permanent lifestyle changes first you must come to love and accept yourself completely. It’s an oxymoron, isn’t it!
In that vein, I have reacquainted myself with the work of Louise Hay.
Are you familiar with her?
Louise Hay wrote her first and most famous book titled You Can Heal Your Life in 1984. She followed that book up with over 200 more books. No kidding!
Her message is so straightforward:
Loving, forgiving, and accepting ourselves and others is the only route to a fulfilling life and ultimately incorporating the actions you want to take to change your life. Louise suggests watching our thoughts, releasing the negative, criticizing, blaming thoughts, and replacing them with positive, loving messages and affirmations.
I think of repeating affirmations akin to a musician practicing scales over and over again. The musician wants to create muscle memory, and in a similar vein repeating daily, our positive thoughts creates new neural pathways or muscle memory, if you will, in our brains. The goal may not be the complete eradication of your negative thoughts (yeah, good luck with that!) but an awareness of the reality you are depicting with those thoughts and then actively choosing to create a more loving mental environment for yourself to hang out in.
In my video How To Stay Motivated, which I wrote to celebrate my 1000 days living without sugar, flour, and processed foods, I said:
Motivation is often the result of an action, not its cause, and no one sits in lotus pose and waits to feel like doing something. You must start, learn how to do it anyway, knowing deep down that the doing often creates the desire to do it.
Oh, yes, indeed! I am the queen of the successful nightly checklists and the calendar challenges. And yes, action often creates motivation. When we see success, we feel successful. No doubt!
However, meanwhile, I believe that to create lasting lifestyle changes, we must get curious about our underlying thoughts, beliefs, and the words we use to describe ourselves and our lives because the foundation of our actions and habits are our thoughts and beliefs.
If you think you are lazy, stupid, slow, or any other unkind adjective, good luck maintaining any healthy change, and of course, you are chipping away at any chance for a joyful life, one unloving, critical thought at a time.
Furthermore, sometimes we are not up for "just doing it anyway." Right? It would be simplistic of me to suggest otherwise. And if that is the case, what do we do?
Long before Louise Hay and her directive to transform our negative thoughts with positive affirmations, Lao Tzu the 5th century BC Chinese philosopher wrote one of my favorite quotes. (Here’s the bookmark I first showed you in my video Watch Your Thoughts. It’s a favorite of mine, so please bear with me!)
Lao Tzu said:
Watch your thoughts,
For they become words.
Watch your words,
For they become actions.
Watch your actions,
For they become habits.
Watch your habits,
For they become character.
Watch your character,
For it becomes your destiny.
The smart writers of actions and habits such as James Clear often use this quote to express how important each daily action is. Right, that is the premise of Clear’s book Atomic Habits. Each little action adds up and ultimately becomes our habits and character—no disputing that.
At the same time, let us go back a step: our thoughts and words birth or create our actions. That is what Louise and Lao believed, and who can argue with that.
Whether you are rocking your health and wellness goals, or you are waiting for that spark of inspiration to jump back into your program. Today, I invite you to explore your thoughts and beliefs.
An excellent way to do that is through meditation. You know I love my meditation practice, and I will not go on about it again. That said, meditation is the best way I know how to start the habit of noticing and stepping back from our thoughts.
First, we must gain awareness of the negative thought before we gently say to it, “Out.” ( a Louise Hay suggestion) and then offer an alternative, more positive belief.
For instance, after you start listening to your self-talk about your self-care efforts, do you hear yourself say:
This is so difficult why bother!
My food (or exercise program) is boring.
This lifestyle is no fun!
My friends think I am a weirdo because I don’t eat like them, (or stay out late partying with them, or drink with them.)
It does not matter if you are maintaining your good habits or not; either way you could still be talking to yourself in these ways.
I guess that if you are following through with your healthy habits and these are your thoughts, well, you might be closer to giving up than you think. Alternatively, if you are waiting to recommit to your program and you are saying these unhelpful things to yourself. Well, good luck getting back on track.
Cruising along or not, I firmly suggest you rewrite your script into:
My healthy habits are a breeze!
My life is exciting.
I have fun every day!
My friends and I are proud of my achievements.
Yes, action creates motivation, but sometimes we simply cannot start, so it is a moot point. Furthermore, even if you are dutifully checking off your habits every evening on your nightly checklist, I suggest watching how you describe yourself, those particular habits, and your lifestyle. Lao Tzu and Louise Hay agreed that we create our actions and the joy we feel performing them with our thoughts and words.
Remember, no one ever disliked themselves into permanent lasting healthy lifestyle changes. Step one is self-love and self-acceptance. Step two is the life you want to create.
I’m Liz Moser, a Mayo Clinic and National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach, and thank you for watching this video. If you have questions about this video or health and wellness, please contact me through my website at lizmosercoaching.com. I hope you have a week where you watch your self-talk and recreate your negative thoughts with more positive, loving affirmations.
Bye for now and be well, Liz
